I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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