Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
