my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize