dude i'm inner monologue high
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
