I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
