My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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