I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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