You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
