I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
