The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
