I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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