I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
