I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
