Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
