nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
