i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
