I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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