maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
