I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
what day is it and did you see me today?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
