Me too!
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
