I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
