if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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