wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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