I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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