watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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