I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
