call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Randomize
