He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You're my little dorito
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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