Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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