is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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