Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
