Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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