xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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