The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Boobs are out for the taking
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
