She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
