You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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