I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
