I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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