dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
