Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
