never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
