I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
