why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize