meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
