Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Still dying that you shit outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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