That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
