I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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