Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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