I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize