Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
