i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
