Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It was like getting head from an anaconda
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
