i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
