i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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