You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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