we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
