nut hugger
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
