i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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