Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
