My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
