I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
