I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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