hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
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