i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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