How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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