my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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