I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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