My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
