I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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