I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
