I'm so fucking centered right now
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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