Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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