Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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