so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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