I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Sober January is a disaster.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
