I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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