Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
