I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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